I like it when companies offer to give me free things, especially when it’s things that I can actually make use of. So when I was offered the chance to have a couple of new armoured USB cables, I leapt at the chance. Now as I said, these are free, but at a price. The price being, that in return for being given them for free, I write a review of the product. It doesn’t have to be a good review, it doesn’t have to be favourable, just honest.
Well the trouble with reviewing anything right away is that that is no test of the product. Drive a new car off the forecourt of any garage and it should be 100% perfect at that moment. But write a review of it a year later, when bits have fallen off, warn out, disintegrated, well that’s a different matter. So any review of a brand new cable is going to be fairly bland to read. It’s a cable. Even the dumbest (let’s not name countries but you all know I mean Chinese) tech manufacturer can make a cable that lasts at least a week.
So my review could only be superficial. But it also needed to follow a short period of thorough testing. Which is why I handed one of them over to our tame cable driver.
Now some say that she has to be recharged directly from moonlight. And others that she has USB sockets for ears. All we know is, she’s called the Cable Slayer.
And so this was my review.
Into every generation a slayer is born: one girl in all the world, a chosen one. She alone will wield the strength and skill to fight the cables, leads and the forces of data; to stop the spread of their bytes. She is the Cable Slayer.
She also happens to be our daughter. We’re not really sure what she does with cables.
Maybe she plaits them and let’s then down from her prison tower bedroom so that passing knights might rescue her. Really guys, just knock.
Maybe she plugs one end into Google and sits chewing the other in the hope of bypassing revision altogether.
Many cables have died at her hands. Innocent victims of her malevolent ways. So obviously when a cable arrives in packaging with the words “ArmorCord” ™, “Durability”, “Robust”, “Bending Tolerance”, “Strain Relief” and “resilient to abuse”, we give it to her.
Well she’s had it for two weeks and it still works, so the omens are good. It certainly looks and feels tougher than her previous victims. So maybe this is the one.
And yes, if that opening sentence sounds just a little too familiar, check this out.