I’d like to buy a shovel please

I recently visited a large orange coloured DIY store. My mission, was simply to purchase a shovel, with which to be prepared for any snow shovelling activities which i might become engaged in. This dialogue is (more or less) an account of that visit :

ME : “Hello young man, I’d like to purchase a snow shovel please”.

STAFF : “Certainly sir, they can be found in the gardening section, between the forks and the hoes”.

ME : “Alas no. You see I venture to suggest that you are in fact mistaken, for those implements of which you speak, are in fact spades”.

STAFF : “Yes it’s the same thing”.

ME : “Oh good gracious me. No it is not, as one is for digging, the other for shovelling, a shovel being much the wider don’t you know”.

STAFF : “What do you want it for?”

ME : “Well I’m hardly likely to be grouting the bathroom with it, I want it for shovelling”.

STAFF : “Couldn’t you just use the spade?”

ME : “Let me explain. Very soon now I shall be wanting to cut your balls off. Now I could use a petrol driven chain saw from your very fine outdoor range, but I know I’ll favour the garden shears instead. You see it’s all about using the right tool for the job”.

STAFF : “Security !!!!”

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About Words of Little Relevance

Freelance stage manager; software and web tester; Excel and map geek; Tweeter; Blogger and Cake Eater. Often back-stage in and around Oxfordshire and Buckinghamshire where I move scenes, or play with lights or sound.
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