There are many places today where that mass of commoners known as the “general public” are allowed to enter and use. But equally, wherever one such place exists, we tend to have some sort of list of exclusions. There is a process of deselection in place. A set of criteria are published against which, those who wish to enter, are judged.
If one of these”general public” persons wishes to board a flight, they are judged against a set of criteria. Do they have a ticket? Are they carrying things which they shouldn’t? Are they intoxicated?
Similarly if one of the masses wishes to enter a night club, again they are judged against a set of criteria: do they look right for that club? Are they carrying chewing gum or bringing in drink?
Attempts to join golf clubs are equally met by a set of judgement criteria. Do they look wealthy? Do they dress stupidly enough? Are they the right sort of people?
Even restaurants exercise their right to deselect potential patrons on the basis of dress sense, lack of tie etc.
So why on earth is there no such judgement criteria to deselect certain members of the”general public” from using the London Underground? I mean where is the quality control? It seems that just about anyone can travel on the tube network, much to the disgust, discomfort and annoyance of everyone else.
Well this has to stop. I shall be applying to run the tube network and as soon as I am in charge, the following members of the”general public” will be politely but firmly turned away, or quite possibly, made to travel all together in a separate special compartment :
- The smelly and the sweaty
- Those with flatulence issues
- Those who cough
- Those who sneeze
- Those who grunt
- Those who snarl
- Those who look like rodents
- Those who look around and ‘tut’ (except me)
- Those who grimace
- Those who have big noses
- Those who cannot fold newspapers either neatly or quietly
- Those who find it necessary to sniff
- Those who take up too much space (they need to walk more anyway)
- Those who have beards (and other unhygienic facial features)
- The badly dressed
- Those whose facial expressions resemble those of a trout
- The chewing gum masticators
Of course I reserve the right to add to this set of criteria as and when it’s necessary, but in the meantime, feel free to add your own.